We had been told, that we should keep a distance between ourselves, and the people in the church. The reasoning seemed to be sound enough. The purpose was to keep us from getting hurt by church members, who would later leave, or those who might discover how human we really are, and then later use it against us.

It was a philosophy of ministry which seemed prevalent, at the time I began pastoring. Yet somehow, I could never bring myself to accept it as gospel.

It is a convenient theory of leadership. It sets me apart from the people, and elevates me to a less vulnerable position. It establishes an "air of holiness." (After all, distance is to a great degree, our view of holiness - i.e. set apart) It keeps me from becoming close to those, who potentially could hurt me the greatest. And, we do know, that those who are closest to us, hurt us the most.

This philosophy of ministry could have kept me from dying a thousand deaths, if I had followed it, but I did not.

I have been cursed by those to whom I gave the most. There have been people who we have helped financially, with our personal, and limited resources, who have joined sides with our enemies. Others we have befriended have left without saying thank you, or even goodbye. We have had the best of friends turn, and leave over issues which were really their own personal problems. People we have trusted, have turned others against us, and even lied to further their evil cause, of getting people on "their side."

One man, in whom I had invested over a year of my life helping, and training, suddenly and without explanation turned on me. He told me that I had betrayed him, though he never described how. He called me demon possessed, and even threatened to talk to my District Supervisor about my wicked ways.

Why didn't I listen to the pundits, who told me to keep my distance from the people? Why didn't I heed their warnings, and save myself from a thousand deaths?

Because, I thought they were wrong then.

I know they are wrong now.

Jesus "came to His own, and His own received Him not." He chose twelve disciples, and one of them was a devil. He picked three of the twelve, to share His most intimate and difficult moments, and one of those three denied Him. How can I expect ministry to be anything more, or anything less, than the example set by Jesus?

True ministry is going to hurt sometimes. I will die, but so did He. This is the way of the cross.

The purpose of the ministry of Christ was to restore the broken relationship between men and God. As intimacy with God is revived, relationships with people are expected to improve as well.

Jesus came to break walls down, not to set them up. Why then, would I establish my ministry on a principle, which sets me apart from others?

I am convinced, that the largest part of the position of a pastor is relational. Anything short of this, falls short of Christianity.

The question we are then faced with is, "Why do we insist on a non-relational model for leadership, and church growth?"

I believe that the answer lies in man's fight or flight response. The reason we run from relational ministry is rooted in our desire for self-preservation. We run from that which hurts. We struggle against that which threatens us.

Unfortunately, we are keeping our distance from that which offers us the greatest comfort, and that which promises the fullest life. Giving up our lives is what Christianity is all about. Our knee-jerk response to flee from the pain caused by close relationships in the church, is our attempt to save our lives. It will backfire. The scripture promises; those who save their lives will lose them instead.

There is personal loss, when we try to set ourselves apart from the people in our churches. It is, probably more often than we could guess, the reason for what has been called "the lonely whine of the top dog." There is a sense that we are all alone, and that no one cares, when we minister from a distance.

There is loss in the church itself, when we model non-relational Christianity. What you feed your people, is what you make your people. An apparently uncaring leader will develop an uncaring church. A relational and loving leader will create a relational and loving church. The overall tone of the church will never be something different, than the leadership model they follow.

There is even a loss in the power of the church to be a witness to the community, if ministry is not modeled through relationships. We are told that the world will know that we are Christians, by the love we have one for another. Don't even try to fool yourself into thinking, that love can be modeled outside the context of knowing people. It just can't be.

Above all else, there will be permanent, and eternal loss if we run from relational Christianity. The Lord will hold us responsible, for modeling something that is less, than what His kingdom was designed to be. The foundation of Christian ministry is a Person - a Person Who desires to know, and be known. When people are rejected on the day of judgment, He will say to them, "Depart from me, I never knew you." Therefore, the foundation of ministry must be established relationally.

Don't keep your distance from people because it hurts. It will hurt worse in the long run, if you do. Like Paul, we pastors, die daily, but we rejoice eternally.

In the small church, this is all the more true. Our ministry is relational, because we deal with people one-on-one, or in small groups. We make friends, and we get hurt. But, I will gladly die a thousand deaths, that I may gain a million lives.

I will not separate myself from relational ministry. I know that in doing so, I will keep my distance from death. Of course, paradoxically, I would also keep my distance from life.