I had no idea what button I had pushed, but something just exploded, and it all blew up in my face.

So, there I was, being ushered outside the house. "We will never be coming back to your church again. Get out of my house! We don't have to take this! Get out of my house right now, and don't come back again!"

The issue of confrontation was not as touchy, as this explosion of anger, would seem to support.

They were an older couple, old enough to be my parents. They were in full time ministry, and traveled to Europe four to five months out of the year, preaching, and teaching in churches. Over the year and a half they had been fellowshipping with us, they had taught, and ministered in our church. They grew in respect among our small congregation. Our church had personally helped to support their ministry, and we encouraged our people to give to them. They had stood in our pulpit. I had even sought out ministry opportunities for them, within our denomination.

Each time they had returned from Europe, they complained about how "dead" churches in the U.S. were. This would last about a month - maybe more. People in the church would get discouraged, and take it personally. Of course, it felt rather personal, the way it was presented.

Twice now, a certain disconcerting event had taken place. Upon the first Sunday evening communion service, after their return from a ministry trip, she had given a "prophecy," which directly attacked more than one person in the church, and was aimed at directing the order of the service as well. This was not a weekly occurrence. It had only happened twice in the time they had been with us, but I was not alone in feeling troubled. So, as pastor, I had the responsibility to deal with it.

I approached them with fear and trembling. They were old enough to be my parents, and yet I needed to address the problem. It really wasn't all that dramatic an issue. It wasn't a moral failing. It was a misguided word, at a vulnerable time, following a very busy ministry trip. Yet, it was obviously an unhealthy pattern into which they had fallen, and it was hurting the church.

Very shortly after bringing the subject up, the confrontation grew heated. I repeatedly found myself saying, "You are not understanding what I am saying." The more I tried to bring things back into focus, the more the argument escalated, and so it was, that I found myself being ushered outside the house.

I was mad. I was real mad. I went to the office, and spent some time cooling down. Then, I formulated a plan to deal with this issue. It happened between myself, and the two of them. Therefore, it was a personal issue, and I would treat it as such. They were in ministry, and I chose to do all I could to protect that ministry. I understand the principles of sowing and reaping, and I did not want to reap the harvest of harming someone's ministry.

After coming up with my plan, I wrote them a letter. In the letter, I apologized for any part I played in the misunderstanding. I reiterated the point which had been necessary to communicate - that, they needed to be careful how they ministered in the local church, when they returned from their missions trips. I also wrote how I desired most of all, to reconcile the relationship, whether they returned to Church on the Coast, or not.

Some days later, I would also write a letter to the congregation, saying that this couple had decided to move on to another church. I did not mention the disagreement, and I did not even make the slightest reference of negativity concerning them.

The same night as this ill fated discussion, I received a call from one of the church leaders. He wanted to know what happened. Funny, I didn't mention this event to anyone but my wife. The following Sunday, one of our elders came to me at the end of the service, and gave me a big 'Judas hug', saying, "This is going to be our last Sunday at Church on the Coast. We've been praying and have decided to move on." Without a word, I knew why.

It seems that while I had chosen to keep the situation between myself, and this couple, they had chosen to enlist people to their side of the battle. A number of people in the church had been called, in fact, she even called my wife, and tried to make me look like "the bad guy." Lies were told about me. It was said that I came to their house, and started yelling at them. It was said that I accused them of all sorts of things, which only a paranoid individual could have construed from the conversation.

By God's grace, only two other couples left the church, but the sting lasted for a long time. It was the closest thing we ever had to a "church split."

As a result of their choice to make it a common issue, I was forced to bring the problem to our leaders, and ask them to look out for others in the church, who might have been "infected" by this dilemma.

What a strange situation. Here I was being stabbed in the back, by people who had been in ministry longer than I had been alive. One would think that age would have brought wisdom, yet here was a couple who spoke as though they knew exactly how to handle church discipline problems (they considered this one of their specialties!), and they couldn't handle themselves. They considered themselves to be ministers to the "the body of Christ at large," yet here they were ripping apart a local church.

Looking back, there are only a few things I would have done differently. Thus, I would have had similar results in similar circumstances. Yes, I would seek to protect their ministry, as long as possible. No, I would not talk to others, until it became a corporate issue. I would continue to follow the pattern laid out in Matthew 18, and yes, I would apologize even though I had been the one attacked. I only spoke to two people outside our church about them, and they were both church leaders from whom I sought council.

Over the years, I have lived by the principle, that I will not become an attacker. I have not spread lies about people. I have not even spread the truth, if it made someone look bad, unless demanded by the Lord's principles of church discipline.

I'm sure that I will get burned again, but I will be satisfied by the smile from heaven, which sees our silent sufferings as something Christlike.

Sometimes this small church stuff hurts. We get so close to the people we serve, and occasionally Alexander the coppersmith comes to visit.

Unfortunately, the small church tends to be much more vulnerable to the problems of gossip, rebellion, and "mutiny" than a larger church. When bad things happen, they have immediate, and sometimes, long lasting results. Everybody seems to know what has happened. This does not mean that we have the right to set aside the Lord's principles of church discipline. First we go to the person alone. If they will not hear us, we take a brother. If they will not respond even then, we go before the church.

Of course, people usually run away, before the whole process of discipline is followed through. Thus , we must keep these struggles to ourselves, if they are personal issues, and only when it harms the church, does it become a corporate issue to be shared with others in leadership.

There is a time to publicly name those individuals who cause harm to the Church, just as Paul did, in more than one instance, in the scriptures. Then there is the time to remain silent, and let God be the vindicator.

Now, I have not given you the name of the couple in this story, but if you were to ask me personally, I just might consider...hmmm, well, I'll have think about it. "Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil: the Lord reward him according to his works." (2 Timothy 4:14) I wouldn't want him to do the same to you.